Grandparents Walk With Us Too: What Research Says About Extended Family in the Lives of Autistic Children and Their Parents
Byline: Chau Sir / chausir.com
This article summarises public research with AI assistance.
What the study looked at
A research team at King's College London published a systematic review in May 2025. It brought together 42 mainly interview-based studies involving 1,048 parents and 2,140 grandparents, from places including the United States, mainland China, Taiwan, Australia, Canada, South Korea and Ghana. The team wanted to understand the part that grandparents, aunts, uncles and cousins play in the lives of autistic children and their parents. [1]
How extended family helped
The review found four main kinds of support from extended family: - Emotional: listening to parents and encouraging them - Practical: looking after the child, school drop-offs and pick-ups, helping with housework - Financial help - Information: for example, a grandparent was sometimes the first to notice that a child was developing differently and suggested the parents seek professional advice
Some parents described feeling that a weight had been lifted off their shoulders, and that they were no longer on their own. [1]
The other side of the picture
The review also found that some relatives misunderstood autism, for example believing a child would "grow out of it" or had been "spoiled by the parents", and sometimes blaming the mother. In some families, worry about "face" or family reputation left the child and parents feeling pushed aside. The authors noted that in cultures that value family interdependence, including Chinese families, extended relatives tend to be more involved, yet the emphasis on family reputation can sometimes make it harder for them to accept the child's situation. [1]
When support works best
Support was more likely to feel genuinely helpful to parents when relatives knew more about autism, when the family communicated well, and when everyone was clear about who makes the decisions. Some grandparents found it hard to accept at first, but their attitudes often shifted over time as they learned more and watched their grandchildren grow. [1]
Reading the findings with care
This review brings together interview studies, so it reflects participants' experiences and feelings. It can describe common patterns and links, but it cannot show that any particular approach will always lead to a particular result. Every family is different; research is a direction to consider, not a measuring stick. [1]
Small steps for Hong Kong parents
In many Hong Kong families both parents work, and grandparents help care for the children during the week, so their involvement is very real. Their love and help are precious, and they also need to "know a bit more" to help more smoothly. You might try: - Pick one or two concrete examples to share with grandparents: what your child enjoys, situations that tend to upset them, and the ways you respond at home, so everyone responds in a similar way - When a grandparent says "they'll grow out of it", remember it usually comes from care; talk it through gently rather than arguing straight away - Be clear about which decisions sit with the parents and where you really need the grandparents' help; clear roles make the relationship easier - Keep an eye on the grandparents' own energy and mood, and avoid putting all the caring on one person - Share your child's small steps with them; a photo, or "she called Grandma by herself today", is a moment to enjoy together
From a CRP (Communication, Relationship, Parenting) point of view, good conversations with grandparents are part of communication and connection too. One more understanding adult around a child means one more source of security.
Sources
1. Li, J.-L., Washington-Nortey, M., Kifle, T. H., Cotier, F., & Hoekstra, R. A. (2025). The Role of Extended Family Members in the Lives of Autistic Individuals and Their Parents: A Systematic Review and Meta-Synthesis. Clinical Child and Family Psychology Review, 28(2), 507-539. https://doi.org/10.1007/s10567-025-00525-7
Disclaimer
Educational information, not a diagnosis or medical advice.
Chau Sir's talks and articles are parent education. They do not provide diagnosis, assessment or treatment, and do not provide medical or medication advice. If needed, please consult a qualified professional.
Comments